Body Image: When You Can’t Quite “Love Yourself”

You’re not going to feel like a million bucks every day, but on those days that you don’t - it can feel pretty shitty. That negative self talk can creep in much more easily than any nurturing or loving words you may have for yourself. So what are you supposed to do? “Loving yourself” through those moments isn’t always possible. It’s a beautiful sentiment, but is it realistic? 

If you’re not yet in a place where you love yourself, here are some things you can try when you’re having a bad body image day:

Be neutral.

I’m not saying that you have to counter every negative thought with a positive one. Like I said, that’s not always realistic and that also takes a lot of energy. Observe your thoughts and ask yourself: is it possible to just be neutral?  Take a moment to admit you may not like how you’re feeling. Discomfort is totally normal and totally okay. Forcing love in those moments can be hard. Not achieving a happy mindset can leave you feeling defeated. You don’t have to love yourself right now. Instead, acknowledge and let go of any anger, sadness, or frustration that you experience from not feeling like your best. The experience is real, but it also ends.

Be respectful and trust.

Despite how you feel, your body is still the container for your little soul. As much as you may dislike it in that moment, it’s keeping you alive and THAT my friend deserves a round of applause. You don’t have to try to love it right now, but you have to attempt to trust and respect it. After all, these skin suits we’re in are pretty damn smart. Can you consciously perform the processes that keep every single cell running? No, that’s impossible. Honor your body. Trust your body. Even talk to it. Again, this can mean saying, “hey body, I don’t understand what you’re doing right now, and I don’t like how I feel, but I trust you.” Relinquishing the control and bringing in that element of trust can help bring you closer to that neutrality I mentioned before.

Find the root.

You “feel fat,” …but do you? ** Is your hand in a jar of butter? Okay, maybe that’s a bad joke. I’m using it to illustrate that “fat” isn’t a feeling. The phrase, “I’m feeling fat,” often means other things. Finding the root of your discomfort can help you understand yourself better and work towards a solution. Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you feel lonely? Are you experiencing jealousy? Is it a worthiness thing? Going deeper and identifying an underlying emotion can help address something else that could be going on.

**This phrase is often used when a person perceives feeling unsatisfied with their body. It’s important to remember that “fat” is a neutral term, we just attach negative feelings to it. You can absolutely be fat and happy! As mentioned, this phrase is commonly used to encompass a variety of other emotions. The overall principle mentioned here is universal to all of them: find the root.

Create pause.

When we feel uncomfortable in our own body, it’s easy to feel pressured to immediately react. Anxiety around body image can create a terrible feeling of internal turmoil that we want to get rid of. Maybe we run to the gym to “burn off” a meal, maybe we restrict calories for the rest of the day. Before reacting in this way, pause. Is there another way, a respectful and caring way, for you to move forward? This quote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom,” illustrates my point perfectly.

Find neutrality, create that space, and pause.